Redeeming Hope – A Personal Story of Loss, Lament, and Letting God Use Our Heartbreaks

(Loving Note: This article touches on grief after miscarriage.)

I concentrated on breathing slowly, trying to ignore my husband’s useless attempts to comfort me as we walked out of the doctor’s office. Alan dug his keys out of his pocket as we approached the car. “At least you weren’t that far along,” he said.

Hugging my purse to my chest, I glared at my husband. Almost five months seemed far enough along to me. I blinked away the stinging in my eyes as I remembered the nurse’s failed attempt to comfort us by saying that “the fetus had stopped developing” so she doubted I was “as far along as my chart indicated.”

The fetus? No. The baby stopped developing. My baby, who was far enough along to have a heartbeat and far enough along to be a loss, was worth grieving.

Alan opened my car door and placed his hand on my shoulder. “It’s not that big of a deal,” he said. “This happens to a lot of people.”

Shrugging away from his touch, I slid into the passenger seat as anger, confusion, and resentment widened the gap between us. Staring out the window in silence didn’t stop my husband from bombarding me with what I now recognize as well-intentioned platitudes used to process his own confusion and grief.

Over the next few weeks, I concealed my feelings behind a lipstick-glossed smile at work. But baby-sightings in-person and on television triggered explosions of grief. At home, I lashed out at my husband.

Eventually, I asked for a divorce.

Please click here to visit the God Hears Her Blog and read the rest of my story in “Redeeming Hope.”

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Give the Gift of Radical Forgiveness for Christmas and a Mega-Bundle Book Giveaway!

(Suggested Reading: Luke 23:32-43)

As Christmas approaches, some of us are looking forward to holiday gatherings and some of us wish we could avoid folks in our inner circle.

Even as lights twinkle and carolers sing, some people are wrestling with unresolved conflicts. Some have given up on relationships, licking old wounds and straining their backs to adjust their grudge-sacks.

The enemy doesn’t have to work hard to divide God’s people when we do most of the legwork for him.

It is healthy to create boundaries. It’s important to accept that some relationships are not going to be . . . or should not be . . . restored. But unforgiveness disrupts peace, diminishes joy, and places us in disobedience to God.

So, how are we supposed to get right with God and celebrate Christmas if we’re struggling with unforgiveness?

I had to learn the hard way.

A few years ago, at different times in the same year, two women ended their friendship with me without giving me reasons. Though I asked them several times to tell me what I’d done to make them angry enough to end our friendship, I still have no clue.

As I grieved both friendships, I asked God to reveal what I’d done.

Through mutual friends, I found out both women had gossiped about me. I didn’t know what they said, but it didn’t matter. In that moment, I knew they weren’t really my friends.

I decided to pray for them and give them space since we didn’t have to run in the same circles very often.

But when I saw both of them at an event, I started getting mad again. That’s when God reminded me that my unforgiveness impacted my relationship with Him more than anyone else.

I found a quiet place on campus to pray for them and release them into God’s hands. I kept on praying blessings over them, every time I saw them.

Eventually, the Holy Spirit freed me from the bondage of my unforgiveness.

How did I know I was freed?

Whenever I saw those women, I felt peace and was able to be kind . . . even when they weren’t kind in return.

That freedom and peace allowed me to be ready when God blessed me with some unexpected ministry opportunities.

Though losing those friends hurt my heart, forgiving them allowed me to move forward and meet other friends as I stepped into those new ministry opportunities God provided. He’s still bringing new people into my life and blessing me with more ministry opportunities. He’s also helping me appreciate and nurture healthier relationships with old and new friends who want to be in my life.

BUT extending forgiveness, especially when the offender is not repentant, is hard . . . really hard!

It’s easy to love kind neighbors, the neighbors who agree with us, encourage us, and understand us. Who wouldn’t love neighbors who ask for forgiveness when they’re wrong and who are honest about their feelings so we can seek forgiveness when we’ve offended them?

But Jesus calls us to love all of our neighbors, including the ones who need the most grace, the ones who are as depraved and dependent on God’s mercy as we are.

No matter how many times we cry out to God, trying to justify the list of people we’ve tucked in the dark corners of our unforgiving hearts, the words He gave us in Scripture don’t change.

“What do You want me to do, Lord?”

Forgive.

But I’m angry.

Forgive.

But I’m tired of forgiving when there seems to be no remorse.

Forgive.

But I’m still hurt.

Forgive.

But I’m afraid to get hurt again.

Forgive.

In Ephesians 4, God commands us to forgive as we’ve been forgiven (v. 32).

While Jesus hung on the cross, He willingly submitted to the nails that pierced His hands and feet. He paid the insurmountable debt our wickedness earned.

During Christ’s earthly ministry, He had countless reasons to hold grudges, to become bitter, to seek revenge, to refuse to forgive . . . especially when He chose to endure the suffering on the cross.

But as He looked at the people who cheered for His execution‒those who mocked Him without remorse or repentance‒Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34, NIV).

The people Jesus asked the Father to forgive didn’t admit their wrongs or apologize.

Still, Jesus forgave.

In Total Forgiveness, R.T. Kendall states that “[asking] the Father to forgive them showed that not only had [Jesus] forgiven them and released them from their guilt, but also that He asked His Father not to punish them or take revenge on them . . .” (p. 3).

Our loving Savior intended on offering us radical forgiveness before He left His heavenly throne, put on flesh, and allowed Himself to be wrapped in swaddling cloth and placed in a manger.

When Jesus hung on the cross, bruised and bloody, He willingly paid the price for my sins . . . for your sins . . . before we could even think of repenting . . . before we even realized our need for repentance.

When we think of Jesus in the manger, we cannot forget the cost of the cross.

Jesus demonstrated selfless love and forgiveness on that cross and asks us to do the same when we’re struggling to forgive others.

So this year, would you join me in asking God to help us give the gift of radical forgiveness for Christmas?

By offering radical forgiveness, we’re not condoning, minimizing, or even forgetting an offense. God is righteous and just. He can be trusted to handle every situation.

In Scripture, He promises that we will all be held accountable for our actions, our words, and our attitudes. But He is also He full of compassion.

God understands our need to process and heal, but He still asks us to forgive so we can be in right relationship with Him.

He knows when it’s time to take someone out of our lives, most of the time for reasons we may not know or understand on this side of eternity.

He also knows what it will take to build a better relationship after we face the conflict and trust Him to heal the rifts, beginning with our willingness to obey His command to forgive as He has forgiven us.

Forgiveness–placing the offense and the offender into God’s trustworthy hands–draws us closer to God and frees us from carrying burdens that don’t belong to us.

We can trust Him to work in and through their lives as He continues working in and through our lives.

We can choose victorious freedom through right relationships with God and others, instead of insisting on being right, instead of gloating in someone else’s remorsefulness, instead of demanding apologies before forgiving.

As imperfect humans in desperate need of our Savior and Redeemer Jesus Christ, we will need to forgive others and ask for forgiveness all the days of our lives.

Radical forgiveness requires an ongoing commitment to surrender to the Holy Spirit, but begins with the choice to love Jesus and others like Jesus loves us.

Will you give the gift of radical forgiveness for Christmas this year?

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Lord, thank You for forgiving us and for empowering us to forgive. Please prepare our hearts to receive and submit to Your truth and love. Show us our wickedness and lead us into the way everlasting (Psalm 139:23-24). Help us recognize, confess, repent, and turn away from our sins. Even if the restoration of a relationship isn’t possible, help us forgive others as You’ve forgiven us so that we can experience the peace and freedom of radical forgiveness. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

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I would love to hear your story in the comment section below. I’m praying for us!

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BOOK GIVEAWAY!

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I’m one of 16 Christian authors participating in the 2022 Giving Hope for the Holidays Mega-Bundle Book Giveaway!

To ENTER for your chance to receive these 25 Hope-Giving Books, please visit my Instagram page today.

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Here is the list of the 16 authors AND the 25 books we’re giving away:

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You Are: Speaking God’s Word Over Your Children and Chosen: Claiming Your Kingdom Purpose, board books by Emily Assell, founder of Generation Claimed at @generationclaimed

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HUES of You: An Activity Book for Learning About the Skin You are In by Dr. Lucretia Berry, founder of Brownicity at @lucretiaberry

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Jack vs the Tornado and The Hunt for Fang, middle grade novels by Amanda Cleary Eastep at @book_leaves

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Different Like Me, a 2021 ECPA Christian Children’s Picture Book Finalist, and Waiting for God: Trusting Daily in God’s Plan and Pace, a 31-day devotional by Xochitl Dixon at @xochitl.e.dixon

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Simply Christmas: A Busy Mom’s Guide to Reclaiming the Peace of the Holidays, a devotional by Tama Fortner at @tamafortnerbooks

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Cora Cooks Pancit, a children’s picture book, and Walk, Run, Soar: A 52-Week Running Devotional by Dorina Gilmore-Young and Shawn Young at @dorinagilmore

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TAMAR: Rediscovering the God Who Redeems Me, a Bible Study by Shadia Hrichi at @shadiahrichi

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Sweet Tea for the Soul: Down-Home Devotions to Comfort the Heart (Sequel to From Grits to Grace), a devotional by Linda Kozar at @lindakozar

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The Complete Guide to the Prayers of Jesus: What Jesus Prayed and How It Will Change Your Life Today, a nonfiction book by Janet McHenry at @janetmchenry

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Far from Home: Discovering Your Identity as Foreigners on Earth, a nonfiction book by Mabel Ninan at @mabel_ninan

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Navigating the Blues: Where to Turn When Worry, Anxiety, or Depression Steals Your Hope, a 90-day devotional by Katara Patton at @katarawp **Scheduled for release on January 3, 2023.**

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Walking in Tall Weeds and A Long Time Comin’, Contemporary Southern fiction by Robin W. Pearson at @robinwpearson

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God’s Beloved Community (Children’s Picture Book), and Color-Courageous Discipleship (Discipleship for Adults), and Color-Courageous Discipleship Student Edition (Discipleship for Youth/Teens) by Michelle Sanchez at @michelle_t_sanchez

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5-Minute Devotions for Teens: A Guide to God and Mental Health and Restore My Soul: The Power and Promise of 30 Psalms by Laura Smith at @laurasmithauthor

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This Life We Share: 52 Reflections on Journeying Well with God and Others and Life is Sweet, Y’all: Wit and Wisdom with a Side of Sass (inspirational gift book with southern humor and recipes) by Maggie Wallem Rowe at @maggiewallemrowe

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Brown Baby Jesus, a children’s picture book by Dorena Williamson at @dorenawilliamson

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On Monday, December 19, 2022 at 8 am Pacific, we’ll announce the randomly selected recipient of these 25 Christian books on Instagram.

TO BE ELIGIBLE TO ENTER this mega-bundle book giveaway, you MUST LIVE IN the Continental U.S.

The 2022 Giving Hope for the Holidays Mega-Bundle Book Giveaway is in no way sponsored, endorsed, administered by, or associated with Instagram or any other organization.

Thanks for joining the FUN!

Merry Christmas!

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Can I Be Sad and Still Have Strong Faith?

I’ve lost count of the days I sat alone, sometimes laid up in bed struggling with pain management and sometimes wrestling with guilt because fatigue sucked up more than half of my day. No one heard my sobs, except God and my service dog who tried her best to lick away the problem she didn’t understand. I shared my one-and-done work related post, so one missed me on social media.

Then, I wept.

Embracing the sadness, I surrendered to the tears. But why was I sad? I’ve struggled with depression in the past, triggered by a hostile work environment. These tears felt different, refreshing in a way. Still, I had no idea how to explain why I was experiencing this sadness.

Sure, my road is tougher than I would like it to be. But God has also blessed me with so many reasons to be grateful every day. I enjoy a full workload and mean every word I type as I invite others to join me in praising Him. So, why did I need to cry alone?

I didn’t have an answer, so I simply allowed my feelings to flow.

Some folks insist that everyone needs a good cry. I believe that statement. But for some reason, I knew these tears meant more than an overflow of feelings. As I sat in the quiet room, stroking my service dog’s soft fur, I thanked God.

The ministry of tears had once again brought me to the foot of the cross, eyes gazing at the unchanging truth that kept me rooted in faith.

I couldn’t share those tears. I had to let them finish their work of cleansing my weary soul, emptying my aching heart, clearing my jumbled mind. When the streaks of salty woes eased to sniffles, peace pressed into me, first in my chest then rolling over my shoulders and off my back as I exhaled.

Can I be sad and still have strong faith?

I used to struggle with that question. I’d always been quick to feel, open to sharing with transparency and boasting in my weaknesses while proclaiming the strength of Christ alone. Was I wrong? Did my easy weeping reveal a weak spot in my faith?

I’ve been told that people with strong faith can’t be sad because their hope is in Christ. I’ve been told that my faith is weak, that I don’t want to be healed, that I don’t believe God can heal, because I’m still battling chronic pain and fatigue. But my walk with Jesus and my sacred strolls through the Bible have proven those claims false.

As I wept today, for no particular reason, I looked to the psalms for answers and found a rock-solid foundation of hope.

I could hear the psalmist David sighing as he began his prayer with confident surrender.

“Answer me when I call to you, O God who declares me innocent. Free me from my troubles. Have mercy on me and hear my prayer.” (Psalm 4:1)

David turned his words toward his offenders then announced what He could depend on with a shoulders-back and head-raised proclamation of faith.

“You can be sure of this: The LORD set apart the godly for himself. The LORD will answer when I call.” (Psalm 4:3)

Those are not the words of a doubting sinner. Those are the words of a victorious king reliant on the King of Kings.

Turning back to listeners, David encourages obedience and trust in the Lord before interceding in prayer then intimately speaking to God regarding his personal testimony without missing a breath.

“Let your face smile on us, LORD. You have given me greater joy than those who have abundant harvests of grain and new wine.” (Psalm 4:6-7)

David acknowledges God’s ability to meet His needs while he is still in need.

His faith shines with a bold assurance in God’s promised provision. But it’s clear that David is still suffering. I can imagine his head bowed because I bow my head as I pray with David.

“In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, O LORD, will keep me safe.” (Psalm 4:8, emphasis mine)

As I look around me, I see suffering that is hard to hide and suffering hidden behind a smile and a dismissive “I’m fine.” I’ve been guilty of the latter, wanting to protect God’s reputation by pretending everything was good in my life.

Now, I know better because I know God better.

Can I be sad and still have strong faith?

The psalmists would answer yes and prove their stance with their songs of praise and lament. The disciples would say yes and display their scars of faith like badges, as they willingly shared in the suffering of Christ. The Saints of the Old Testament would gather around and swap stories of God’s faithfulness, trustworthiness, and power through their toughest moments. They all knew sadness and had faith.

As I tried to understand the reason for my gush of feelings, I asked God for clarity. He took me to dictionary .com on a hunt for meaning.

Sadness is “an instance of sorrow.”

If that’s true, then sadness is also an emotion that will pass, not our identity.

Sadness is not a shawl of shame that needs to be denied or minimized.

Sadness proves that we feel, that we care, that we’re alive, that we’re still fighting, still trusting, still walking by faith.

How does God respond when we’re sad?

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 51:17)

We can stop fearing sadness and trying to avoid tears when we begin to understand the ministry God does as we surrender to the emotions He gave us to experience.

Our tears are prayers God hears, songs of worship God receives, and expressions of trust God accepts as He walks us to the promises He will undoubtedly fulfill.

Loving Lord, thanks for knowing how much we need to feel sadness, how much we need to experience the overflow of tears, and how much we need to encounter You in the instances of sorrow You use to deepen our dependence on Your enduring mercy and love. Help us trust that You never let a tear slip down our cheeks without Your acknowledgement. And help us rest in the surety of Your all-encompassing grace. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

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If your heart is weary and longing for answers—for healing, for provision, for miracles—Waiting for God renews your hope with strong biblical truth and encouraging Scripture-based prayer. Guided to inhale God’s Word, exhale in prayer, and rest in God’s love, you will be restored, able to worship the Lord even when the wait feels endless.

Xochitl Dixon shares her personal stories and the experiences of others to help you reclaim your peace and joy, knowing God has not forgotten you.

You can order your copies of Waiting for God: Trusting Daily in God’s Plan and Pace from Amazon. Don’t forget to love your neighbor by ordering extra copies to share as gifts.

To God be the glory!

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Love Like Jesus

When I woke up on January 14, 2022, I couldn’t sit up, stand, or walk without excruciating sharp pain in my lower lumbar back.

Xavier picked Callie up while Alan called for an ambulance. Paramedics arrived soon after. They used a special chair to tote me down to the ambulance from our apartment on the third floor. As Alan followed the ambulance, I prayed.

I inhaled peace, grateful and confident that God was in control as the young man took my blood pressure and comforted me. I thanked him profusely. By the time I arrived at the emergency room, I’d learned the names of the two paramedics who rolled me into the emergency room. I encouraged them and promised to pray for them.

God gave me plenty of time to pray for the paramedics, the nurses, and the doctors who cared for me while Alan and I spent all day and most of the night in the emergency room.

When I laid flat on my back, the pain subsided. Any other position caused sharp pain on the left side of my lower back.

In my stillness, God helped me see beyond myself.

I saw my hurting husband, who had recently torn his Achilles heel. He wore a large boot and used a cane, as he hobbled around and tried to care for me.

I saw the medical staff, zipping in and out of my small room, and offered a word of encouragement then prayed for them as they rushed to the next patient.

After running a few tests and reviewing my x-rays, the team of doctors decided to admit me into the hospital.

A herniated disc was only one of the issues they identified as the culprit causing my pain. But my symptoms weren’t consistent with the normal patients suffering from herniated discs. My older injuries in my upper thoracic back, shoulders, and neck complicated things, too.

I saw a team of angels dressed like doctors, nurses, and hospital employees from custodial to nutrition, as they worked to admit me into the hospital.

Every person who stepped into my room showered me with compassion and love.

I couldn’t move without causing my pain levels to increase. So, I lay flat on my back and began praying for the people God allowed me to see while I let Him handle my discouragement, fear, anxiety, and despair.

By the time the Northbay angels asked Alan to leave for the night, God gave me a plan that placed peace and joy back in my peripheral vision.

I asked my husband to bring my artillery for the spiritual battle I was already fighting.

As the enemy worked hard to make me doubt the goodness and faithfulness of my mighty and merciful God, the Holy Spirit fueled me with persevering faith and empowered me to fight back.

When my pain overwhelmed me, I released my frustrations and fears through mini-meltdowns. My tears fell into the capable hands of my Savior. I felt His presence and heard His promises lifting my spirit as I read His Word and listened to worship music.

Be the end of the fifth day, I saw God’s love being poured out through people.

I saw my Facebook and Instagram families standing in the gap with prayers.

I saw nurses showing love by going out of their way to help me with pain management.

I saw doctors from three cities showing love by listening to me and working together to plan my next steps.

I saw my husband pouring love over me by caring for me selflessly, while dealing with the pain from his torn Achilles’ tendon and a few unexpected medical issues that required a biopsy and more tests. He is still waiting for test results and preparing for a surgery this month, while insisting he will take care of me!

I saw our son, Xavier, committing a selfless act of love when doctors mentioned moving me to a live-in care facility to avoid the three flights of stairs at our apartment complex. Without even being asked, Xavier offered his home as a place to heal.

During my hospital stay, I loved my doctors and nurses by offering encouragement, praying for them, and giving out over 25 copies of God Hears Her, over a dozen copies of Waiting for God, and over a dozen copies of Different Like Me.

I left the hospital knowing that my journey was only beginning, my pain would still need managing, my bills would still be mounting, but my God would still be good, faithful, able, and loving.

The Holy Spirit helped me see beyond my pain, past my current struggles, and through my worries, so I could see the mission field with people desperately needing to see the love of Jesus.

He helped me see the people sent to love on me, while I loved on them from my hospital bed and while using a walker on my way home.

Some moments were harder than others.

Sometimes I failed to love well.

Sometimes I didn’t want to respond to negative people in love. (I know I’m the only one who struggles with being stubborn and disobedient. Right?)

Sometimes I didn’t feel loved.

But every day provided opportunities to choose and receive God’s love, which always flows into our relationships.

The apostle John confirmed God’s call to love and demonstrated the power of love in 1 John 4.

“Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.” (1 John 4:7-8, NLT, emphasis mine)

Love is a sacrificial and intentional choice we make day by day and an overflow of the Spirit of God’s love in us.

“This is real love ̶ not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.” (v. 4:10)

We cannot receive or give real love apart from Jesus.

“No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us.” (v. 12)

God’s children can be recognized by the way we speak, the way we act, the way we think.

John says, “God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.” (v. 16)

Then John goes for the jugular and forces us to face ourselves in the mirror.

“If someone says, ‘I love God,’ but hates a fellow believer, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see? Those who love God must also love their fellow believers.” (vv. 20-21)

When we’re hurting physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually, we may not feel lovable or loving. But real love isn’t about our forever-fickle feelings.

With Jesus, we cannot help but love.

Our pain may not stop. Our problems may not go away. Our struggles may get harder. Our wait may seem longer. And our faith may feel weaker.

But our God never fails us, never forsakes us, and never forgets to love us so we can love Him and others with the same love that overflows from His abundance. (emphasis mine)

Love changes everything and everyone, starting with us.

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Who have you failed to love well?

How can you show love to that person selflessly this week?

How has God showed you His love this week?

How have you shown your love for God by loving people this week?

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Loving God, we cannot love without Your help. Please give us all we need to submit to Your loving Spirit as He empowers us to respond in love through every circumstance we face. Help us to love like Jesus as we live for Jesus one day at a time. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

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You can love your neighbors today by helping me spread God’s love!

Give a gift that will have lasting spiritual impact on that special someone you love.

Different Like Me, one of five children’s books chosen as a finalist for the 2021 ECPA Christian Book Awards, celebrates our differences and our sameness as God’s beautifully diverse and purposefully connected image-bearers. In Different Like Me, a diverse group of children join forces to help a friend and discover that God created everyone to be different and special so we can serve together for His glory!

In Waiting for God: Trusting Daily in God’s Plan and Pace, I will guide you through 31 days of spirit-refreshing devotions. We will inhale God’s Word, exhale in prayer, and rest in God’s as we trust Him for healing, for provision, and for miracles when the wait feels endless.

You can shower me with love by leaving a short review on Amazon and any other review platforms you enjoy and by tagging me when you share about my books on social media, too.

Oh, how much that would bless me! The more reviews each book receives, the more Amazon places the books in front of people I can’t reach outside my sphere of influence. To God be the glory the honor and the praise!

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Thanks for being a member of my blog family!

If you are reading this article in your email, please join the conversation in the comment section on my website.

I moderate comments for the safety of our community, so your comment will not show up right away. However, I will read, reply to, and approve every comment that is appropriate to share under my blog articles.

I’m looking forward to growing with you as we remain rooted in God’s Word and growing with God’s people.

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Waiting for God Pre-Order Party

Waiting for God - Pre-Order Announcement 1 - 2019My first full-length devotional, Waiting for God: Trusting Daily in God’s Plan and Pace, is available for Pre-Order on Amazon!

To God be the glory, the honor, and the praise, praise, praise!

I used to be toe-tapping impatient when standing in lines. I would get irritated when I made a phone call and was left on hold. My inability to embrace the act of waiting when juggling life’s small frustrations became more evident when I faced heart-wrenching delays.

Waiting was not a welcome part of my life, especially when the wait was accompanied by physical or emotional pain.

When I first surrendered my life to Jesus, a friend warned me not to pray for patience. So what was I supposed to do? How was I going to deal with the inevitable waiting seasons in life if I couldn’t be honest and ask God for help?

After my battle with chronic pain became overwhelming, I longed for comfort, for peace, for revitalized strength and realized patience has nothing to do with trusting God in the wait.

Patience requires us to suppress rather than process feelings and is reliant on our ability to control our actions and attitudes in our own strength.

Over the years, I’ve learned the futility of self-help and will-power.

So, instead of trying harder, I admitted my weaknesses.

Sick of being burdened by anxious thoughts and tired of feeling stuck, I cried out to God. With Spirit-empowered strength, I looked for Bible verses to help me trust the Lord when the wait felt endless. I reflected on how other faith-warriors leaned on God while facing difficult situations.

My search for enduring hope revealed unexpected answers.

I didn’t need more patience. I needed a new perspective on the Maker of Time’s purpose of waiting.

As I inhaled God’s Word, I exhaled in prayer and experienced the power of resting in God’s love.

Now, I have the privilege of sharing my journey with you.

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J9379What others are saying about Waiting for God?

“If your heart is weary and longing for answers—for healing, for provision, for miracles—Waiting for God renews your hope with strong biblical truth and encouraging Scripture-based prayer.

Conquer your fears and frustrations as you inhale God’s Word, exhale in prayer, and rest in God’s love. Live a life of deeper connection and immediate communion with God that can lead to contentment in His constant presence, no matter what your days hold or how long God’s deliberate delays may last.

Xochitl Dixon writes each chapter with heart-touching transparency and vulnerability, as she shares her own story as well as the stories of others who are trusting God through waiting seasons with no apparent end in sight. As a woman who lives with chronic pain, Xochitl understands constant struggle yet chooses to put God on the throne of her life.”

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Waiting for God: Trusting Daily in God’s Plan and Pace is available for pre-order on Amazon and scheduled for release on August 7, 2019.

I’m looking for readers willing to join me for this pre-order party and to prayerfully consider reading through one chapter a day with me after the book is released.

I’ll be offering exclusive giveaways to readers who join the conversation as we discuss the end-of-chapter reflection questions, which are designed for personal and group study.

Please take a moment to follow my Amazon Author Page and pre-order your copy of Waiting for God: Trusting Daily in God’s Plan and Pace.

Please also leave a comment below to share how I can pray with you as you continue waiting for God and trusting daily in His plan and pace . . . one breath at a time.

I look forward to growing with you!

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Hope is Worth the Risk

MEME - Colossians 3 v 2 - Nov 23, 2018Hope can hurt.

I learned that lesson firsthand this week when I started physical therapy in hopes to strengthen my core and back muscles while waiting for another nerve ablation.

I realized just how weak my upper body is when my therapist, Marea, introduced the first steps toward my slow healing process.

 

But in that weakness, I also discovered a strength I had no idea still existed.

Surprisingly, my muscle memory was still intact . . . somewhere deep under my extra layers of not-muscle.

Marea called me strong.

Her affirming words encouraged me to believe in the glimmer of hope that my strength could be renewed after over twenty years of debilitating pain and over compensation, which damaged other areas surrounding the original injury. After giving me a few exercises to work on at home, she reminded me that the healing process would be slow.

So, I decided to accept her help, expect the inevitable setbacks, and embrace the pace required to build up what had been destroyed.

Still, when my secret cravings for instant-gratification were denied, I struggled with discouragement.

I fought frustration when my progress didn’t go as quickly as I’d hoped. I expected slow . . . but not too slow.

I wrestled despair when it hurt to hope, when it ached my heart to endure another delay, when I began to doubt. What if physical therapy didn’t work? What if nothing worked?

For years, I’d tried to protect my back from further injury and lived a hindered-life. My hurting body affected my relationships. And as I began to draw nearer to Christ, I sorrowfully admitted my relationships were damaged by my wounded spirit, too.

I approached my physical healing the same way I often approach emotional or mental healing from hurtful words, from grief, from betrayal . . . the list goes on.

I wanted to stop hurting, to get over it, to feel stronger, to be healed . . . immediately.

Impatience nudged me toward discouragement, which threatened to drown me in despair.

Past pain drove my decision-making process.

Fear of pain, disappointment, and failure kept me from risking my hopes being dashed and tempted me to avoid the much-needed work that would strengthen me.

I needed God’s help and the support of others, as I accepted that healing would take time and hoping could hurt when facing setbacks.

The process wouldn’t be easy. The fix wouldn’t be quick . . . but the rewards are worthwhile now and in eternity.

If I was going to persevere, I needed to place my hope in something bigger than physical, emotional, or mental healing.

When the apostle Paul was in a Roman prison waiting for his trial before Caesar, he wrote to the “faithful brothers and sisters in Christ” in Colossae:

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.” (Colossians 3:1-4, emphasis mine)

Because we have the power of Christ in us, we no longer have to live a hindered-life limited by our weak spots.

True life, the only unhindered life, is “hidden with Christ in God” (v. 3). Our weakness withered away when the Lord washed away our sins by giving His life for us (vv. 5-6). When He rose again, He empowered us to thrive in freedom, no matter what our circumstances.

Jesus holds the answers we need, the peace we long for, the hope we desperately seek. When He appears again, we will be with Him in glory. Our hope is wrapped in assurance, in the promise that fuels the persevering faith we’ll need if we’re going to walk away from the life we lived before Jesus (vv. 7-8).

As we ask God to help us nurture healthy relationships with Him and others, He frees us from our old ways of thinking.

We can grow stronger as we’re immersed in our “knowledge” of the Creator of our “new self,” our no-longer-self-centered self, our no-longer-alone self, our no-longer-controlled-by pain-or-fear self (vv. 9-11).

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved,” we’re no longer controlled or limited by how we feel physically, emotionally, or mentally.

This doesn’t mean our feelings aren’t valid. The Lord never minimizes our feelings. He only affirms we don’t need to allow feelings to drive our actions or determine how we interact with others.

We can choose to be kind to others, forgive others, and love others (vv. 12-14), even when they don’t choose to be kind, forgive, or love us.

We can live at peace with others and at peace with ourselves, be thankful and content . . . no matter what our circumstances (v. 15).

We can nurture heart-deep joy as we encourage one another and intercede for others as we point each other to Jesus (v. 16).

“And whatever [we] do, whether in word or deed,” we can “do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him” (v. 17).

As we focus on things above, seeing beyond ourselves, we can recognize how small our biggest mountains are in comparison to the bigness of God.

We can begin to understand how we’re all connected, how every one of us makes a difference in the lives of others, how our trials can actually be used for good as God grows us spiritually and uses us for His glory.

We can sharpen our Kingdom Vision and learn to trust He’s working in and through all things for the good of all who love Him . . . not just us, but all people . . . even those we don’t know, agree with, or understand.

And as we surrender each moment of our slow-as-He-determines healing journey to our loving Father, we can risk hoping in Jesus‒who is and always will be our eternal hope.

Lord, thanks for reminding us that You are our only true hope, so we can never truly lose hope. Please fuel us with the peace of Your enduring love. In Jesus’s name, Amen.

How can placing our hope in Christ, who is unchanging and faithful and just, help us when our current situations feel hopeless?

 In what situation have you been afraid to hope or hope again?

 Who has God used to encourage you to hope again?

—–

No Matter What Comes‒Jesus is Still Enough

MEME - Mark 1 vv 1-3 - April 22, 2018

I’ve been praying over what to share on my blog for the last couple of weeks. When I planned on writing, the Lord led me to wait. I believe in obedience when it comes to following our all-mighty and all-knowing God. So, I waited.

During my time of stillness, life around me sped up and threw a few unexpected punches.

My last back procedure led to the expected four to six weeks of sporadic and high-level pain as the nerves die.

While dealing with elevated pain levels and fatigue, my husband shared some news that left us facing a few challenging situations and seeking the Lord’s direction with a couple of big decisions.

My check-up appointment with my doctor became a painful procedure that led to a glimmer of hope in my healing journey.

My doctor thinks he finally found the root of the injury in my upper thoracic back, which could help him determine a treatment and healing instead of pain-management. Praise the Lord!

God can heal me with a whisper or a thought. He can heal me through my doctors. He can also choose to empower me to continue trusting Him through this physically and emotionally draining affliction.

On Tuesday, a friend asked me if I would “rather be healed or write with great beauty and passion.”

I responded: “I’d rather honor God’s choice and trust His will, not my wants.”

Yet, by Thursday, I still couldn’t write this post.

With so many life-altering decisions to make, so many unknowns, so much pain, frustration, discouragement in my life and in the lives of loved ones, all I could do was stare at the blank piece of paper. (Yes, I still write my first drafts with an old-school pen and pad.)

I opened my Bible and asked God what He wanted me to learn, or re-learn, so I could share.

I leaned into His grace, totally at peace . . . and waited . . . until I landed in the Gospel of Mark.

John the Baptist reminded me of my purpose as God’s beloved child.

“Prepare the way of the Lord, make His path straight.” (Mark 1:3)

John the Baptist reminded me who was in charge.

He “who is mightier” than I‒Jesus (Mark 1:7).

He who baptized me with the Holy Spirit‒Jesus (v. 8).

The Father is well pleased with the Son‒Jesus (v. 11).

My Heavenly Father is also pleased with me, His beloved child.

God loves us . . . completely.

No matter how we struggle.

No matter how often we fall short or fall flat on our faces.

No matter how much we feel overwhelmed by our weaknesses, frustrations, discouragement, worries, and even doubts.

No matter how long we’re battered by the winds of worry as we wait in the wilderness of what-else-can-go-wrong.

God remains sovereign, loving constant and caring (vv. 12-13).

He knows we’ll face temptations.

He’s ready to meet all our needs.

He’s not surprised by whatever the “wilderness” looks like in our personal lives.

The Lord empowers us to navigate the obstacle courses riddled with pain, heartache, tough decisions, shaky ground, long lines, depleting resources, and foggy horizons.

His ordained paths lead straight to the center of perfect will . . . according to His well-planned timing . . . not ours.

We don’t have to fear God’s deliberate delays or detours.

We can trust His compass, believe His complete goodness, rely on His proven faithfulness, and surrender to His Word.

No matter when, where, or how we land on this path God has planned for us, we’ll be safe in the refuge of His life-restoring love.

No matter what comes . . . Jesus is still enough.

Father God, thanks for giving us confidence in Your abilities, Your trustworthiness, and Your never ending supply of love. Thanks for reminding us that we don’t need to know what’s ahead because we can trust You no matter what comes. In Jesus’s name, Amen.

—-

 

Time to Move Forward

MEME - Deuteronomy 1 v 21

(Suggested Reading: Deuteronomy 1:1-10)

Sudden stops, deliberate delays, U-turns, and even moving forward can shake up the firmest foundation of faith.

What’s next? What if I make the wrong decision? What if it’s too hard? Should I wait? Should I walk away? Should I move forward . . . and if so . . . when and where should I go? How long should I stay?

As the Lord helped me through a few more unexpected twists, turns, and time-outs in my healing journey over the last year, I began to feel like I needed to do something.

In an effort to feel useful, to feel needed, to feel like I was a part of something beyond my recliner, I jumped into a volunteer position that seemed so good for me. Maybe if I busied myself, I wouldn’t be consumed with the things I couldn’t control.

I believed in the ministry’s purpose, but the Lord quickly revealed I had slipped into the sidelines of His sovereign plan for my life. The path I thought would lead me to the center of His will ended up stopping me from accomplishing the great things He was preparing for me.

Still, I stayed. Afraid of what others would think of me if I quit so soon after I started, fearing what others would say about me behind my back.

As usual, the Lord allowed a little restlessness to settle in as He shifted the ground beneath my feet.

Then, as my pain increased and my energy decreased, I felt the Holy Spirit drawing me into a resting position.

For months, I prayed for direction as He wrapped me in peace during the wait.

The Lord affirmed my worth wasn’t determined by what I was a part of, what I was doing, or what others thought or said about me.

He reminded me to stay focused on Him, draw closer to Him, and stick to the purpose He had repeatedly affirmed for me.

I prayerfully sought wise counsel from my husband and several writing friends. With confidence, I made some tough decisions and stepped away from a few good things.

As I worked through the wait, enjoying the blessings of serving the Lord by sharing Him with others, I continued praying for direction, clarity, and courage.

God began opening doors widely and quickly.

I embraced the adventure, certain it was time to move forward and step boldly onto the path He’d been preparing.

My waiting season led to a windfall of opportunities to share God’s truth and love with others, while equipping and encouraging other writers to use their beautifully diverse voices for His glory.

If I hadn’t left the comfortable spot where I’d dug in my heels, I would have missed out on all the wonderful things the Lord is doing in and through my life right now.

The Israelites struggled with a poor sense of direction, the longing for comfort and security, and impatient pacing, too. At Horeb, God’s people stood at the edge of their inheritance (Deuteronomy 1:1-5).

The Lord said to His people, “You’ve stayed long enough at this mountain” (v. 6).

The time to move forward had come.

So, led by the Lord Himself, Moses and the people prepared for the road ahead (vv. 9-18).

God gave them all they needed. His unchanging promises secured their path and prepared them for the journey (v. 19).

“See, the LORD your God had given you the land. Go up and take possession of it as the LORD, the God of your ancestors, told you. Do not be afraid; do not be distracted.” (v. 21)

When the Lord plants us by a mountain, or even in a valley, He’ll give us the grace we need for the seasons of stillness and preparation.

When He calls us forth, He provides the supplies, the energy, and the pre-ordained steps for the assignment He’s entrusting to us.

We can avoid distractions by being patient as we seek His will and the wise counsel of others. And we can be courageous when we remember we can fully rely on the Lord’s strength, His goodness, His faithfulness, and His unchanging character.

We won’t know what lies ahead in this world. We won’t know how long or how hard the road will be. But we can be certain that our loving Father is always in control.

We can depend on the Lord as He remains with us during every sudden stop, deliberate delay, and U-turn.

God will remain true to His promises as we rest in His presence and when He calls us to trust the firm foundation of our faith and move forward with boldness.

Lord, thanks for being loving as You lead us, one step at a time. In Jesus’s name, Amen.  

—–

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