Radical Forgiveness Requires Us to Accept God’s Forgiveness First

MEME - Forgiveness Frees the ForgiverThe first day I had the courage to step into a church, I came prepared for battle. Masking fear with my angry scowl, I shifted in my seat, picked my cuticles, and hoped no one would notice the too-huge-to-hide scars of my sinfulness.

As I heard the Gospel preached, the Lord patiently peeled back layers of my self-imposed guilt and shame. He knew my tender heart desperately needed His grace.

Still, I struggled. How could Christ, in all His perfection, forgive me for all the bad things I’d done, for all the times I’d rejected Him, for all the ways I’d hurt Him and others?

With loving gentleness, the Lord drew me deeper into His story.

The Father painted a perfect picture of mercy . . . Christ’s arms stretched wide, heart overflowing with undying and unconditional love for the very ones who hated Him.

“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34)

At first, I viewed God’s lovingkindness as a reason for me to hang my head in disgrace and stamp my passport with endless guilt trips.

I had no idea how to process or accept the completeness of God’s forgiveness possible through His grace.

I longed to feel forgiven.

But as I continued to focus on myself, I tightened the chains that bound me to guilt, shame, and feelings of unworthiness.

How could I forgive others when I hadn’t truly received God’s offer of forgiveness?

The Lord extended undeserved mercy, but I insisted on the self-imposed penance which hindered me from intimacy with Christ and others.

It wasn’t until I gazed closely at the cross that I began to realize that me being undeserving was the reason Christ offered forgiveness as a gift.

I didn’t have to, and couldn’t possibly, deserve it, earn it, buy it, or work it off with good deeds.

After I rejoiced and eventually received His priceless treasure of salvation, I understood why I couldn’t hold others under condemnation.

If I didn’t deserve God’s forgiveness, how could I demand others to deserve my forgiveness?

If I didn’t earn God’s grace, how could I insist others earn my grace?

If God didn’t force me to pay off my debt of sin with good works, how could I expect others to keep trying to make up for hurting me or others?

If God didn’t condemn me, why did I think I needed to live under the weight of guilt and shame after I’d repented, turned away from my sin, confessed and received His forgiveness?

King David racked up a list of sins when his idleness thrust him into a downward spiral into a pit of sin with Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11:1-4). Soon, the consequences of his sin couldn’t possibly be hidden (v. 5).

Instead of repenting, he dug a deeper ditch of deception that led to the murder of Bathsheba’s husband and the death of their son, who was conceived through their adultery (2 Samuel 11:6 to 12:19).

Though David begged God for mercy, he couldn’t choose the consequences of his sin, limit the reach of those consequences, or prevent more innocent people from suffering.

Yet, he didn’t blame God, either.

David couldn’t change the past or fix what he’d destroyed, but he could repent and worship the Lord he trusted.

The king did his best to comfort his grieving wife, refusing to nullify the power and extent of God’s love, mercy, and forgiveness by clinging to guilt and shame (vv. 20-25).

David and Bathsheba accepted God’s forgiveness and forgave themselves, as well as one another (vv. 24-25).

“Forgiveness is worthless to us emotionally if we can’t forgive ourselves.” (Total Forgiveness, R.T. Kendall, p. 52)

Once we’ve received God’s forgiveness personally, accepting the completeness of His gift, the Holy Spirit can empower us to live in peace and freedom from guilt and shame.

Forgiveness frees the forgiver.

If we forgive as we’ve been forgiven, we won’t feel the need to shame our offenders or demand they feel guilty.

Radical forgiveness requires us to release our desire for punishment, which Kendall refers to as evidence of our own fear (p. 52).

But when we’re prone to making others feel bad when they’ve failed or hurt us, it may be a sign that we’re living in a cage of self-imposed condemnation.

Once we’ve repented and embraced the freedom of God’s forgiveness, we can experience the elation of being guiltless and loved by Christ, the hope of being saved and renewed by grace. We can begin to see our smallness in light of God’s majesty.

Repentance is an expression of gratitude and love for God and all He is and always will be.

If the Creator and Sustainer of the Universe loves and forgives us, who are we to hold ourselves or others under the wrath of guilt and shame?

Lord, thank You for the gift of forgiveness and grace that You offer freely and generously. Thanks for empowering us to repent and receive Your forgiveness, and in turn forgive others. Help us trust You to remain good, just, merciful, and loving to all. May You be glorified and Your power magnified, as You help us truly receive Your grace and extend grace to others as an expression of gratefulness and love for You. In Jesus’s name, Amen.

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Radical Forgiveness Diminishes the Power of Hate

MEME - 1 John 4 v 20As I watched the news reports about the violent, racist attacks in Charlottesville with tears in my eyes, I cried out to the Lord.

I’d started my Radical Forgiveness series as I struggled to forgive a few people who had hurt me deeply but showed no remorse, a few others who minimized, justified, and excused their actions while continuing to wound my heart through their surface-apologies.

My personal problems seem so small today.

Yet, the Lord has perfectly timed this study to prepare me for the overwhelming emotions I’m processing as I witness hate infesting communities across the world, the riots in Virginia being one more checkmark on evil’s scorecard.

What are Christ followers to do in the wake of such senseless violence?

We can start by living up to the name we claim.

Christians are, by definition, Christ followers, empowered by the Holy Spirit who dwells within each believer and purposed to live as representatives of the King of Kings.

The Bible clearly states that God’s servants cannot claim to love Him while hating others.

“Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen.” (1 John 4:20)

The hatred and ignorance that instigated the racist terrorist acts of violence in Charlottesville stem from evil that cannot be minimized, justified, or ignored.

Christ does not condone hatred, racism, injustice, discrimination, or violence. Neither can we.

As Christ followers, we cannot be content with cowering in our comfort zones, hiding behind apathy, indifference, or approval through silence, in order to avoid conflict or criticism.

Faith in Christ should embolden us, empowering us to speak truth in love, with gentleness and respect.

As we place our hope in Christ, we can persevere in love, making a difference because our loving Lord did not give His life so that we could be indifferent.

Jesus Himself said that loving Him is synonymous to obeying Him. He also clearly declares the greatest commandment.

“Love the Lord your God with all you heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” (Matthew 22:37-40)

Truly loving God results in Spirit-empowered obedience, which would make loving our neighbors our top priority.

This love requires us to pray for those who are hurting and those who hurt, to rely on God for guidance, wisdom, and strength, and to stand in unity against the evil that feeds racism, which is rooted in a false sense of superiority.

In the parable of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37), Jesus affirms that indifference is sin. He commends the Good Samaritan for having mercy on his fellow man and commands His disciples to “go and do likewise” (v. 37).

Loving our neighbors is showing mercy, a commandment not an option, if we follow Christ.

“If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself,’ you are doing right. But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers.” (James 2:8-9)

Ambassadors of Christ can . . . must speak out against injustice with courageous faith.

Through forgiveness and unity, we can begin a wave of healing that begins within our homes and extends into our communities, in person and online.

Radical forgiveness diminishes the power of hate.

As we’ve explored over the last four weeks of this series, it’s important to understand what forgiveness is and isn’t, as we move toward healing in the power of Christ’s life-transforming love.

Forgiveness and reconciliation are intimate exchanges between us and God, requiring a process that doesn’t always lead to the restoration of relationship or guarantee an offender’s change of heart.

But as we pray for our offenders, asking God to overwhelm them with His life-transforming love, and yes . . . asking God to forgive them . . . we can be freed through forgiving, as we’ve been forgiven by Christ.

We can place the offenders in God’s trustworthy hands.

We can rely on God’s just and merciful love to work in and through the most painful circumstances, and even change the most hardened of hearts . . . just as He continues to change our often stubborn and hardened hearts through His loving grace.

Once the Lord helps us process our emotions and rise above resentment and bitterness, He can empower us to pray for those who persecute and hurt us, as we battle hate with love . . . knowing love prevails because God Himself is love.

Grief comes in waves, and the road toward change and healing will not be easy or short.

But as we stand together, we can celebrate the beautiful diversity of those God created and loves, even those who do not love Him.

Besides making disciples of all nations (Matthew 28:16-20), this is our mission, our purpose as Christ followers:

To pray continually and depend on the Lord completely, as we love Him and all people with our words and actions, regardless of how we differ or disagree in beliefs . . .

To love all people as Christ loves us, because He first loved us . . .

To love all people by speaking up and inciting peace as we refuse to tolerate or ignore any act of injustice, violence, hate, racism, or discrimination . . .

And yes, even by embracing radical forgiveness as we forgive those who have not yet been forever changed by the love of Christ.

Lord, thank You for loving us, forgiving us, and empowering us to love and forgive others.

As we watch the atrocities unfolding right before our eyes and grieve over the blatant hatred destroying lives, it is ever apparent that we cannot get through this without You, Lord.

Please help us place hate-filled offenders in Your hands, praying for them to be so impacted by Your love that they will be forever changed, like Paul, who once persecuted the Church then became a mighty advocate of love and forgiveness as He followed You and shared Your truth wherever You led him.

Yes, Lord, help us forgive first, so that we can be freed to make a difference in our world by refusing to be indifferent.

As we rest in the peace of Your constant presence, please empower us to seek peace, celebrate diversity as we stand in unity, and love selflessly and generously, like the Good Samaritan . . . all the days of our lives, starting today.

 In Jesus’s name, Amen.

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Photo taken and used with permission by Begona Maier.

Meme created by Xochitl E. Dixon.

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Radical Forgiveness is Possible

MEME - Radical Forgiveness Trusts God to Pour Out JusticeI started this blog series as an act of obedience and a search for guidance, discernment, courage, and healing. God’s been working in ways that haven’t led to paths I expected to walk.

I’ve chosen to forgive, though reconciliation wasn’t always possible.

I’ve forgiven offenders who continued to excuse and deny their wrong actions, who chose to cast blame rather than take responsibility for their hurtful behaviors.

Through my studies over the last few weeks, I’ve come to realize radical forgiveness is an intimate exchange between God and me that has nothing to do with my offender.

When I truly trust the Lord, I believe He will work all things out for the good of all who love Him . . . all . . . not just little ol’ selfish me.

“We all want mercy for ourselves but judgement for others.” (Total Forgiveness, R.T. Kendall, p. 102)

The retribution principle‒demanding payback when wronged‒is evident in the psalms.

But Jesus turned that natural bend toward seeking vengeance upside down and inside out when He commanded us to pray for those who persecute us, to forgive as we’ve been forgiven.

Radical forgiveness requires us to go against our instinct and release the hurt and let God handle the judging and everything else.

When I first read the parable of the prodigal son, I ignored the part of the story that demonstrated the importance of letting go. I zeroed in on the running away, related to the wicked young man who demanded his inheritance because he wanted to gratify his sinful nature (Luke 15:11-16).

I’ve been there, not literally, but stuck in the mud and surrounded by the slop I’d created by my sinful choices.

Scripture says the son “came to his senses” and returned to his father, humbled and ready to repent. The image of the father running to his son exemplifies God’s grace in action (vv. 17-20).

I’ve been there, too, ready to repent and return to my heavenly Father. He met me with open arms. He didn’t shame me, demand explanations, or force me to live a life of penance.

So why do I and many others struggle with letting our offenders off the hook, even when they sincerely apologize?

When the prodigal son severed the ties with his family, his father let him go without trying to change his mind. Even though the father was hurt, he gave his son what he wanted and released him into his heavenly Father’s hands (v. 12).

Scripture says the father saw his son when he was “still a long way off” (vv. 20-21). He was looking out for him, waiting for him, probably praying for him, and most likely missing him.

Even though his child had wounds that needed healing, bad habits that needed breaking, behaviors and attitudes that needed changing, the father simply rejoiced in his son’s decision to return to his house and submit to his authority (vv. 21-24).

Without hesitation, the father wiped the slate clean and welcomed his wandering child back into his loving arms. The son hadn’t lost his place in the father’s heart or home (vv. 22-24).

Radical forgiveness. What a gift worth celebrating!

When we’re hurt by the poor decisions of others, especially when the offenders are people we care about, we often try to hold on, refusing to place them in God’s hands, which hurts more than helps.

Radical forgiveness often begins with letting go, giving God the chance to do the great work He has planned for us and our offenders.

As we discussed last week, reconciliation is not a requirement in a life devoted to radical forgiveness.

Sometimes it’s better and safer for us that relationships are severed, even if it’s just for a short period of time. Sometimes the prodigals don’t return. Sometimes the people who hurt us don’t repent. Sometimes offenders don’t seem to get the punishment we think they should receive.

Sometimes, we forget God’s sufficient grace is offered to all people because He wants none to perish.

It’s still hard for me to want forgiveness for those who commit atrocities against innocent people, especially children. But I’ve learned my responsibility and my ability to control don’t extend past my personal space. This boundary frees me to let God be God.

I don’t need to lose sleep when others hurt me or choose to remain in sin, because God will remain true to His Word and His character. He will make all things known and bring all things to account in His timing and in His way.

Radical forgiveness is trusting God to do what He promises, believing His grace is sufficient, and depending on the surety that His mercy and justice are His to pour out as He sees fit.

Yes, radical forgiveness is possible . . . because nothing is impossible with God.

Lord, thank You for loving us in our frailty, for giving us the courage and faith to trust You and rely on You, so we can experience the freedom of forgiveness, whether we need to forgive or we’re the ones who need forgiving. In Jesus’s name, Amen.

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Radical Forgiveness Frees Innocent Victims

MEME - Only God Can Judge - July 24, 2017As I listened to the woman sharing how God helped her forgive her abusers, my heart ached. Her story mirrored some details in my past, but I couldn’t pretend to understand exactly how she felt. I couldn’t duplicate the ways she processed her pain, either.

Every innocent victim’s journey toward healing is complex and unique. There are no pat answers or secret formulas to help victims work through emotions and move forward.

Each one of us needs our healing path and pace to be respected. We need support from family, from friends, and often from professionals. We need understanding and, most importantly, patience and prayer.

There are no normal timelines in a person’s road to healing.

When we arrive at that crossroad moment and are faced with the choice of forgiving or clinging to unforgiveness, we need grace . . . especially God’s life-changing grace.

While that woman shared her heartbreaking story, I realized I’d been deceiving myself for years.

I’ve moved on. I’ve gotten over it. I don’t think about it anymore.

I was wrong, so wrong.

Although I’d went on with my life, I’d never forgiven those whose actions made me an innocent victim.

Without even realizing it, I’d settled for a guarded life behind a self-imposed prison of unforgiveness and armed myself with fear, bitterness, and denial.

I had allowed unforgiveness to control me and hinder me from embracing the completeness of my freedom in Christ, making my past an anchor.

But as I continued to get closer to God, the more I loved Him, believed Him, and trusted Him, I couldn’t escape that crossroad decision.

Would I forgive as I’d been forgiven? Could I?

As I listened to the woman’s sharing about what forgiving her abusers had done for her, I wanted so badly to experience that peace.

Forgiving wasn’t about letting my offenders off the hook, but being freed from them for good.

With support from my husband and God’s limitless power and patience, I finally understood radical forgiveness was hinged on learning what forgiveness is and isn’t.

Total Forgiveness by RT Kendall Book Cover Option 4In Total Forgiveness (pp. 11-19), R.T. Kendall states forgiveness is not approving, excusing, or justifying the hurtful actions of others.

Forgiving is not pardoning the offender, because we’re not authorized to do what only God can do as the only rightfully crowned Judge.

By forgiving, we’re not denying what happened, turning a blind eye to the offense, or even forgetting how we were hurt. The Lord never asks us to minimize our hurts by not taking the offenses seriously or pretending the scars don’t exist.

When we choose radical forgiveness, we’re breaking down every wall of denial and facing the facts of what happened to us or the person we care about, so that true healing can begin.

A false belief about forgiveness is that reconciliation is mandatory. But reconciliation means both parties admit the offense and agree to restore the relationship, which is not always possible, healthy, or safe.

However, we can be blessed with restoration.

Restoration: a personal revival, the restitution of what was taken or lost, a dignified process of renewal that no one can prevent us from experiencing through the love of Christ.

God’s goodness is not tainted when bad things happen and innocent people are hurt in this fallen world.

Our compassionate Father grieves with us and remains close to the brokenhearted. He affirms nothing will remain hidden, that all people will have to give an account to Him for every action and every thought (Matthew 12:36; 1 Corinthians 4:5).

In light of all Christ has done, in light of all He promises to do, in light of His perfect love for us, we can forgive as we’ve been forgiven . . . even when it feels impossible and even when it doesn’t make sense.

Whenever I have a hard time placing offenders in God’s hands, I think about Joseph (Genesis 37-50).

His jealous brothers sold him to slavery and lied to their father about his disappearance. When Potiphar’s wife falsely accused him of attacking her, Joseph was imprisoned for years. He suffered abuse, endured betrayal, and bore the negative consequences of someone else’s actions.

We don’t know everything that happened to him during those years of enslavement and imprisonment, but we know how he responded to God.

Joseph lived in freedom and peace, despite his past or his current circumstances.

No matter what happened to him, Joseph trusted God, praised God, and obeyed God.

The Lord remained with Joseph and, at the right time, placed him in a position of power over Pharaoh’s house. When famine struck Egypt and his brothers showed up to ask for help, Joseph forgave them and everyone else who had hurt him.

Joseph knew God hadn’t wasted his journey.

Though he had every right and reason to be angry, Joseph had placed the past behind him and didn’t even bring up the past or seek revenge on those who had hurt him along the way.

Only healthy processing and peace through God’s power could have kept Joseph focused on the Lord’s purpose and allowed him to trust God to choose how justice would be served.

Radical forgiveness is impossible without God’s help.

Radical forgiveness doesn’t make sense.

Radical forgiveness has nothing to do with the offender or the offense.

By faith, we’re acknowledging that sin is sin and admitting we’re all sinners compared to our perfect and holy God, not one another.

As we place ourselves and our offenders in God’s hands, we’re accepting our freedom and declaring our trust in God’s character.

By forgiving we’re proclaiming our belief in God’s sovereign care and our confidence in God as the only rightful and completely trustworthy Judge.

We can trust God to bring all things to light, to right all wrongs, to hold all accountable in His way and in His time.

Through radical forgiveness, innocent victims break free from the bondage of the hurt that threatens to steal the joy, peace, and hope that is rightfully our inheritance as God’s beloved children.

Lord, there are some offenses and some offenders that feel impossible to forgive when we’re working with the wrong definition of forgiveness. Please help us remember Your command to release offenders into Your hands is intended as a first step toward restoring what was taken from us. Please help us trust You, as You make us more like You, so we can live the new life promised through You. In Jesus’s name, Amen.

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Radical Forgiveness is Loving Obedience to God

MEME - Forgiveness is letting go of the hurt - Dr. Mary McLeod Bethune Quote - July 2017“Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13, NIV)

When I started planning this series a few months ago, I’d been asking God to help me forgive a few people in my life who had not admitted their sins against me or repented.

I wanted to obey God. I wanted to forgive. Period.

So, I asked for a heart-check and began studying what God says about forgiveness.

In my B.J. (Before Jesus) days, I boasted being a master at casting blame on the people I’d hurt. If I hurt them, they must have done something to provoke me. Besides, what they did was way worse than what I did. Right?

After Jesus exposed my plank-in-eye syndrome, I saw how justifying, minimizing, and excusing my sin worsened the hurt I’d caused others and pushed me further away from them and from God.

I’ve always had a hard time letting go of the hurt when receiving surface-apologies. These poor attempts at repentance usually begin with a phrase like, “I’m sorry you feel hurt, but . . .”

It’s painful when someone claims you caused their hurtful actions. It’s like an abuser saying, “I’m sorry I hit you, but you made me do it.”

Not only is that a lie, it’s passive-aggressive manipulation.

It took me years to realize the victim mentality, common in one who has not processed or healed from past pain, often resembles an abuser’s mentality.

My heart grieved when God began to help me recognize those destructive behaviors in others close to me, and even in myself.

Learning how to embrace the art of radical forgiveness required me to learn how to process my own pain in a healthy and holy way.

I used to slip on my victim-jersey, look for hints of offenses against me, and eagerly tell the world how I’d been wronged.

I named names and shared details with whoever would listen.

I disguised my gossip as prayer requests and enjoyed when people felt sorry for me or took my side. It felt good when people admired me for being so strong or so kind after being so wronged.

But in 2005, when I first read Total Forgiveness by R.T. Kendall, God used the following statement to convict me on how I processed my pain:

“If you must tell another person what happened‒because you can’t contain the pain‒tell only one, and choose someone who won’t repeat it.” (p. 10)

By the time I re-read Total Forgiveness in 2009, God had carried me through plenty of tough ordeals that required me to put this skill into practice.

In one situation, mutual friends informed me someone was gossiping and slandering my name.

While I wanted to come to my defense, God stilled my tongue.

Oh, how I wanted to pray for vengeance like the psalmists who stood on the retribution principle.

But God made it clear I wasn’t supposed to tell Him how to fix my offender, prove how wrong they were, or demand everyone be told the truth about what really happened.

Instead, often through sobs and a few layers of stubborn pride, I remembered how Jesus prayed for those who cheered as He was crucified.

I asked Him to help me forgive.

The Lord wants none to perish. If my desire is to be more Christ-like, I would want none to perish, too, wouldn’t I?

Surely a trustworthy King would provide healing care, perfect justice, and fight on my behalf.

He did. He does. And He’ll continue to do so.

Being committed to radical forgiveness is a lifetime process of learning . . . and failing.

With my identity more secured in Christ, I re-read Total Forgiveness in 2014 after being hurt deeply by someone close to me. I praised God that I no longer felt the immediate need to play the victim and demand justice when I’d been hurt.

He helped me process my pain through personal prayer and Bible study. I shared minimal details with a couple of prayer partners who promised not to judge, who desired reconciliation and prayed for restoration, and who weren’t afraid to tell me when I was in the wrong.

By God’s grace, that relationship is now stronger than ever! Hallelujah!

I don’t always handle situations perfectly, but I’ve finally accepted I’m not defined by my sin or controlled by the sins of others.

Being rooted in my relationship with God makes forgiving a demonstration of my confidence in His trustworthiness and loving care.

In Matthew 18:21-35, the apostle Peter asked Jesus how many times he should forgive someone who has sinned against him. Jesus’s answer is interpreted as perfect forgiveness, ongoing and complete, just like Christ has forgiven us.

Jesus shared the story of a servant begging for mercy when confronted with his insurmountable debt to the king (vv.23-26). Once forgiven, that servant went out and found another servant who owed him, demanded payment, and refused to extend the mercy he’d received from the king (vv. 27-30).

In referring to how the king responded to the unforgiving servant (vv. 31-34), Jesus said: “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.” (v. 35)

As Dr. Mary McLeod Bethune so eloquently said, “Forgiveness is not about forgetting, it’s letting go of the hurt.”

When we’re committed to living in radical forgiveness, God helps us realize our sin is no better or no worse than the sins of others.

He’ll help us trust Him to protect our reputations and heal our wounds, even when the scars run deep.

God will handle every offense and offender justly.

So, we don’t need to tell everyone how someone wounded us. We don’t need to prove we’re right and someone else is wrong. And we don’t need others to admit their transgressions before we forgive them.

When we submit to God and truly believe His grace is sufficient and His love unconditional, we can be freed by forgiveness, expecting and extending mercy . . . unlike that wicked servant.

Radical forgiveness is simply loving obedience to God.

Forgiveness is not forgetting, minimizing, justifying, or accepting sin.

Forgiveness never requires us to pretend we weren’t hurt or to allow the offender into our personal space to hurt us more.

On the contrary, forgiveness demands an honest look at the situation as we trust God to work.

It’s important to remember that we don’t always play a part in the sinfulness.

Yet, even when we truly are innocent victims, we can forgive because we trust God’s sovereign goodness and love will prevail as we’re all brought to account before His throne.

I’ll share more on how God is helping me accept this hard truth next week.

Until then, we can admit embracing radical forgiveness is hard and sometimes feels impossible.

But we can also expect God’s help.

Why?

Because forgiveness isn’t a preference or a choice.

God gives us a mandate, not an option, to forgive as we’ve been forgiven . . . because He equips His followers to be freed by submission to His authority and empowered by His Spirit to live in courageous obedience and faith.

Lord, thank You for loving us, forgiving us, and empowering us to forgive. Please help us process our hurts in ways that honor You. Help us recognize our sins and repent without excusing or blaming others for our sinful behaviors. Please prepare our hearts as we continue to dig into Your Word and discover what forgiveness is and isn’t. In Jesus’s name, Amen.

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Total Forgiveness by RT Kendall Book Cover Option 4Photo taken by and used with permission from Dr. W. A. Dixon, Sr., my amazing husband and best friend.

Meme created by X.E. Dixon.

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You can join me in reading Total Forgiveness by R.T. Kendall, as we continue this journey toward experiencing the freedom of radical forgiveness.

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Radical Forgiveness Begins with a Prayer

MEME - Christ's love leads to Radical Forgiveness - July 7, 2017(Suggested Reading: Luke 23:32-43)

Though a friend accused me of something I didn’t do, made hurtful comments, and chose to sever our relationship, I continued praying for her and believed we’d work out our differences when she was ready to discuss the situation. When a mutual friend referred to me as this person’s ex-friend, I decided to forgive her as I began to process my shock, anger, and sorrow. Still, resentment and bitterness began to take root in my heart.

Although I knew the answer and didn’t want to hear it, I cried out to God. “What do You want me to do, Lord?”

Forgive.

But she hurt my feelings.

Forgive.

But she’s gossiping about me.

Forgive.

But she hasn’t even apologized.

Forgive.

As I wrestled with the Lord, He reminded me of the countless times He’d extended undeserved mercy toward me and led me to Luke 23:32-43.

While Jesus hung on the cross, He willingly submitted to the nails that pierced His hands and feet. As an atonement for our sins, He paid the insurmountable debt our wickedness earned.

Christ’s love paved the way for a clean slate through His unfathomable offer of radical forgiveness.

Looking on the ones who cheered for His execution‒those who mocked the King of Kings without remorse or repentance‒Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34, NIV).

The ones He asked the Father to forgive weren’t remorseful . . . at all.

Yet, R.T. Kendall states that “[asking] the Father to forgive them showed that not only had [Jesus] forgiven them and released them from their guilt, but also that He asked His Father not to punish them or take revenge on them . . .” (Total Forgiveness, p. 3).

I considered the words Jesus cried out while hanging, bruised and bloody, on the cross . . . paying the price for my sins.

Have my attitudes or actions ever hurt the Lord or others without me knowing, or worse . . . without me even caring?

Have I ever gossiped or left a friend feeling abandoned or betrayed?

Have I unintentionally spoken unkind words or deliberately wounded someone with well-crafted harsh words?

Have I cast blame or refused to take responsibility for my wrongdoings?

Have I damaged or severed a relationship when processing my bruised feelings or healing from past hurts?

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. And yes.

As I imagined Christ hanging on the cross because of my countless offenses against Him and others, my complaints gave way to conviction.

I sobbed and asked for forgiveness.

The Lord didn’t need me to tell Him I’d been wronged. And I wasn’t helping or changing my situation by sinning in my anger or wallowing in my grief. So, I asked the Lord to help me release my offender into His loving and merciful hands.

No more pleas for payback.

No more daydreams of dishing out a cold bowl of revenge.

No more harboring resentment.

And no more pity-parties.

The more we pray blessings over our offenders, the more God helps us see them through His eyes of loving grace . . . and the more peace reigns in our hearts.

When we place the offense and the offender into God’s trustworthy hands, we no longer feel the need to demand apologies before forgiving.

We can choose right relationships with God and others, over insisting on being right or gloating in someone else’s remorsefulness.

We don’t have to miss out on God blessing us because we’re too busy being resentful, angry, or afraid over something we can’t change and something the offender isn’t losing sleep over.

In the situation with my ex-friend, I prayed for her to be overwhelmed with God’s love and blessed by His outpouring of kindness. We weren’t best buds when we saw each other again, but I wasn’t uncomfortable around her.

I was happy to hear how the Lord had blessed her since we’d last spoken. Not because the hurt didn’t matter or because I’d forgotten or healed completely, but because the Holy Spirit had empowered me to truly forgive her, even though she never apologized.

Choosing radical forgiveness enabled me to appreciate the time we shared as friends and freed me to trust God to empower me to love like Jesus loves.

Forgiving isn’t easy or natural to our self-centered flesh. But when we choose to forgive, the peace of God reigns and allows us to enjoy life without being derailed by tooth-decaying bites of bitterness.

There are some relationships I’m struggling with right now.

Forgiveness and reconciliation doesn’t always mean the restoration of a relationship.

Still, I’m asking God to reveal my part in the conflicts, to help me seek forgiveness for my wrongs, to forgive those who repent and seek forgiveness, and to empower me to prayerfully release all offenders to Him . . . even when they’re not remorseful.

As an imperfect human in desperate need of my Savior and Redeemer Jesus Christ, I’m sure I’ll need to forgive others and ask for forgiveness all the days of my life.

So, as I pray over my current relationships, I’m submitting to the Holy Spirit and digging deeper into Scripture.

Total Forgiveness by RT Kendall Book Cover Option 4I’m also rereading Total Forgiveness by R.T. Kendall, a book God used to help me understand what forgiveness is and isn’t, as well as what He says about forgiveness in the Bible.

I look forward to growing with you, praying with you, and living in the freedom and peace only possible through Spirit-empowered radical forgiveness.  

Lord, thank You for forgiving us and for empowering us to forgive. Please prepare our hearts to receive and submit to Your truth and love.

Show us our wickedness and lead us into the way everlasting (Psalm 139:23-24). Help us recognize, confess, repent, and turn away from our sins. Please help us reconcile, even if restoration of the relationship isn’t possible, as we embrace the peace and freedom of living in radical forgiveness. In Jesus’s name, Amen.

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The Apology (Short Story – Fiction)

 

Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (1 Cor 13-13) - Blog - The Apology

I adjusted my duffle bag over my shoulder and held the letter at arm’s length, not impressed by the gray-speckled business stationary. My father’s name overpowered the custom logo: Elias Whitaker.

Each word jabbed me straight in the gut. “I love you. I miss you. Please forgive me.” Wadding up the paper, envelope and all, I tossed it into my wastebasket just as Mom passed my room.

“Brandon.” She slipped through the doorway, dropped to her knees, and sifted through the trash. “Trust the Lord to work things out, Son.”

How could I tell her I was on the outs with God, too? “Elias is dead to me.”

“He’s still your father.” She stood, wiped her cheek, and unfolded the wrinkled wad of worthless excuses.

I scowled, torn between comforting my mother and wanting to bash a lineman into some turf. “Game’s at seven. Gotta go.”

My father had let me down again and again. My heavenly Father’s record wasn’t much better.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted.

“Yeah, right!” I threw my gear into the passenger seat, swept a half-empty bag of barbeque chips onto the floor, and slid behind the steering wheel.

Elias traded us in for a new wife and their baby, born a month after the courts made the divorce official. Even without Honor’s classes, I could do the math.

I downed an energy drink as I sped to the stadium. What if I never made it to the game?

The thought of my mom alone in the bleachers slammed me back into reality. That wouldn’t make things better, for me or her. I crushed the empty aluminum can and hurled it at the dashboard.

***

A month later, Elias moved to the East Coast with his new family. He called less, making it easier for me to stay mad.

When my anger erupted into punching walls, Mom shipped me off to a boot camp, for my own good. At the Mount Calvary Youth Retreat, under a sky splattered with stars I never bothered to notice before, I asked God to help me believe Him again.

Mom accepted my apology without a hitch when she picked me up from the church a week later.

I grabbed my dusty Bible from my closet as soon as I got home. She’d stashed the crinkled, gray-speckled envelope between the crisp pages. Good try, Mom.

Shoving the letter in my sock drawer, I set the black leather book on my nightstand.

I read Scripture daily, went to youth group weekly, and served in the sound booth once a month.

As a master at tuning out sermons and skipping over verses that taught forgiveness, I clung to bitterness like a fourth quarter lead on the scoreboard.

***

A few months before graduation, Mom got a call from Elias’ cell phone. After two full weeks of praying, I hopped onto an eastbound plane. I unpacked my carry-on in my aunt’s guest room and thanked her for letting me borrow her Cadillac.

I inhaled the scents of new leather, coffee, and my aunt’s fruity hugs, as I obeyed the GPS lady. Pulling into the parking lot, I glanced into my rearview mirror. “Too late to turn back now.”

Scattered oak trees, their gnarled branches hardened and scarred, stood firm against the bullying wind. Glaring at the manicured lawn, I hunched out of the car, staggered by a slap of cold air.

I zipped up my letterman’s jacket until the collar choked me, followed the directions I’d been given, and mumbled under my breath. “What am I doing here?”

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

Slumping onto the designated concrete bench, I blew into my palms and rubbed them together. “Lord, help me.”

Nothing.

Billowing clouds darkened the horizon. Why would God answer me? All this time, I gripped hate like a game winning catch. I shut my father out. Always disappointed, defiant, demanding.

But today? Defeated.

Boots clump-clumped on the cobblestone walkway.

My grace is sufficient for my power is made perfect in weakness.

I prayed for the courage to let go, as the steps stopped behind me.

How could I be forgiven for all the times I’d spoken without considering the serrated edges of my insults?

Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord will never count against him.

Shifting winds hacked away the last of my resistance. I stood, head lowered. Turning toward the stranger, I whispered, “I’m sorry, too.”

He stooped just long enough to place flowers on a neighboring, weathered headstone.

Facing the pale marble in front of me, I read the words carved across its polished surface: Elias Whitaker, Beloved Husband and Father.

My slow obedience always had me lagging three steps behind and, this time, two weeks too late.

Jaw clenched, I plodded past the stranger. I bet he didn’t miss out on the years replaced with a dash on his loved one’s grave marker.

Crackling leaves whipped around me, scraping across the cobblestones as I trudged toward the lonely parking lot. I squinted as the sun pierced through the gray clouds, rays of light cutting across the dark canvas.

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Sliding into the driver’s seat, I placed my hands at ten and two. “I really do forgive you, Dad.” A breathed prayer slipped over my lips. “Help me forgive myself, too, Lord.”

The stuffed yellow bunny I’d picked up at the airport smiled at me from the passenger seat. I adjusted the floppy ears and lopsided pink bow. Not perfect, by a long shot. But, it was a start.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

“All right.” I turned the key in the ignition. “It’s about time I meet my little sister.”

 

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The original version of “The Apology” by Xochi E. Dixon, First Rights only, previously published by ENCOUNTER – The Magazine, Sept 16, 2012

An edited version of “The Apology” by Xochi E. Dixon, published in Inspire Victory, 2014.

This version of “The Apology” by Xochi E. Dixon, edited to under 1000 words, as is customary of Flash Fiction, January 2016.

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Scripture Used (In order of appearance):

 

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted. (Psalm 34:18; 2 NIV)

 

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. (Corinthians 12:9a NIV)

 

My grace is sufficient for my power is made perfect in weakness. (Colossians 3:13, NIV)

 

Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord will never count against him. (Luke 6:37)

 

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (1 Corinthians 13:13 NIV)

 

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (Romans 4:8 NIV)

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The Circle of Forgiveness: The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant

Circle of Forgiveness - Photo by Begona Jan 29, 2016

I sat at the kitchen table and folded the crisp pages of the bill we received after my last shoulder surgery. We owed over forty-eight thousand dollars.

After incurring extra expenses when serving as my mom’s live-in caregiver, we depleted our savings. Still, God provided every time a need arose.

Not once did my husband hesitate when I asked him to send supplies or told him about unexpected expenses during my time away. But this?

I pressed my face into my hands. I don’t know what to do, Lord.

Considering that my husband had recently taken a severe pay cut after nearly a year of unemployment, even paying half the amount of this medical bill would require years of payments. I mulled over my minimal options, unfolded the letter, and laid it flat on the table.

Help us, Lord.

I called the office, explained our situation to the billing clerk, and asked her for a payment plan as I held back tears.

She sighed. “Hold on a second.”

As the on-hold music played, I prayed. Your will be done, Lord.

The music stopped. “Are you there?”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

She cleared her throat. “We zeroed out your account.”

I swallowed hard. “Excuse me?”

“The doctor zeroed out your account.”

My voice quivered. “But we owe you−”

“Not anymore. He said focus on recovery.” Her voice softened. “We’re sorry about your mom.”

I stared at the bill in front of me. Zero balance? “Thank You, Lord.”

The clerk chuckled.

After we said goodbye, I called my husband to share the good news. His response mirrored mine.

For a brief moment, I considered saving the bill. But why would I want a constant reminder of what I used to owe?

The doctor had forgiven our debt. Completely.

In Matthew 18:23-35, Jesus shares “The Parable of The Unmerciful Servant.” In this story, a king decided to settle his accounts. When a servant realized he was unable to pay the amount owed, he pleaded for mercy. The compassionate king canceled his debt of ten thousand talents.

The servant immediately left the king’s presence and went looking for a fellow servant who owed him a hundred denarii. When he found his fellow servant, he choked him, demanded full payment, and refused to offer mercy.

He had forgotten the mercy the king had showed him for a debt much higher than what his fellow servant owed.

In New Testament times, ten thousand talents equaled to several million dollars. A denarius compared as chump change, a whopping sixteen cents. One hundred denarii could be earned and repaid with three months wages. But ten thousand talents amounted to an overwhelming debt.

When the king heard about the unmerciful servant, his anger burned. He rebuked the man and threw him in jail to be tortured until he could pay back all he owed.

After presenting the shameful behavior of the unmerciful servant, Jesus says, “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.” (Matthew 18:35, NIV)

Whenever I struggle with forgiveness, I ask God for a reminder of what forgiveness means.

Forgiveness is an ongoing choice empowered by the Holy Spirit, a difficult journey requiring a daily commitment. Forgiveness is a conscious choice of freeing the forgiver, not pretending the sin never occurred.

Forgiveness isn’t an act of minimizing or justifying the sin of the offender. Forgiveness isn’t dependent on the guilt of the offender.

Forgiveness is a direct reflection of the heart of the offended and their personal relationship with God.

When we forgive, we’re trusting the Lord to judge and offer mercy to whom He chooses. We’re taking responsibility for our own sin, recognizing our need for grace and forgiveness, and understanding others have the same need.

Sometimes, it seems as if evil reigns and sins go undetected. But, the Bible teaches we will all be held responsible for everything we’ve done, including our willingness or refusal to forgive others.

The King of Kings will settle every account when He returns. But will we be willing to follow His example and obey His command to forgive, no matter what the personal cost?

When my doctor wrote off our account balance, he forgave our overwhelming financial debt out of the goodness of his heart, not because of my actions or words. In the same way, God offers forgiveness to those who repent and turn from their sin, because of His own goodness.

The circle of forgiveness begins at the cross.

An intimate exchange that begins with us, as individuals, in loving surrender to God, forgiveness is a command, not a request or a good idea.

This hasn’t always been an easy concept for me to grasp. In the past, I excused my unforgiveness by comparing my sins to the sins of those who hurt me. I justified my unforgiveness as a response to being hurt.

When forgiveness feels impossible, we can ask God to help us see ourselves and others through His eyes. We can ask Him to give us compassion for others who, like us, desperately require God’s grace.

When we consider all Christ did for us, all He gave for us, all He has forgiven us, our icy hearts melt into submission and loving obedience.

In His power and by His grace, our forgiveness toward others will begin to flow freely, more often than not.

Lord, thank You for knowing how hard it is for us to trust You to decide who deserves mercy, especially when we’ve been hurt. Please reveal our own sin to us and help us to stop comparing ourselves to others. Give us courage to commit to living a lifestyle of forgiving, as we remember You alone are qualified to be judge. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

 

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A version of The Circle of Forgiveness: The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant by Xochi E. Dixon was previously published on the FBCVV Blog in March 2015.

Photo take by and used with permission from Begona Maier.

Meme Created by X. E. Dixon

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